So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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