Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
