Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
