anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
