stop calling my apartment porn island.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you didnt know i had herpes?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
