I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
