Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
