I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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