I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's the barista slut.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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