just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
