I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
