Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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