Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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