u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
