I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
