i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
