Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
