I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
