so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
