I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
