when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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