I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
