The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
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A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
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I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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