wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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