he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
