i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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