No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
