I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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