You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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