Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
