Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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