So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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