I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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