I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
