Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
