it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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