I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
