He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
