first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
