sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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