you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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