i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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