they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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