can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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