so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
