she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
