Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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