Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
