Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
