Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
