party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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