I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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