dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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