Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
