Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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