K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
