He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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