i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
