The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
