Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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