I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
