You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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