I should be sponsored by Trojan
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
