he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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