last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize