she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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