I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
