I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
