turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
