life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
In America we eat man semen.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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