I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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