i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
